wandering

she turns the last page, reads it for the second time and rolls over in bed. A smile tickles the corner of her mouth. Not quite a smile of happiness but one brimming with mischief, a hint of fear that makes mischief all the more worth her while. somewhere behind this apparent positivity lies a heaviness that breeds in the hearts of those who have not only lost but lost due to a helplessness stemming from the injustices of the world around, of a society one has contributed to developing and is an active part of. She shoves this heaviness to the limits of her being and gets up as a solitary tear races down the side of her face, dying exactly where the smile would have, had its complete birth been allowed. The tear is forgotten as fast as the smile was. The autumn coloured book placed carefully on the wooden desk - the color of the midnight sky. "You'll forget love, like other disasters" says the book but somehow the writings in between have taught her the exact opposite.

tumko bhool na payengay hum, aisa lagta hai.

Lyrics of the classic hindi song come from somewhere far away, like music under water leaving an impression on her mind like a lost piece of paper that has been found - once a letter written to a loved one perhaps - but now mere illegible indentations where the writing once was, the lead having been erased by a thief in a the night. A thief of words and all they represent, love, fear, anger, loathing, compassion, contempt, grief, desperation - all human emotions imaginable. These signs stolen as if in an attempt to steal life itself - even from the song, the comparison being so real. This is how her mind wanders when she is alone. From the song to the letter to all that is stolen, amongst it the whiff of his breath from her upper lip.

forlorn thought

.....left incomplete.

pink sun

stain.

k.

hinding behind von dutch.

haha

Hassan and Saa's building.

indoor flight

Even fake birds can take flight.

progression

leg bounces vigorously applyin pressure on all five toes, less so on the subsequent smaller ones more so on the big toe. The one people look at and say "ooohhh what a large toenail... can i paint it?" yes and while your at it can you and the rest of the world get over it ?
fingers tapping impatiently on suraface of laptop. distinct karaake - daar nail against fibre glass cccrrrr-cccrrrr-crack-ccrraacckk-ccccccrrrrrraaaaaaaacccckkk.
restlessness.
stillness. complete suspension of time. nothing moves forward, nothing moves backward. blank stare. Bone on skin - scratching neck, a bit like cheese being grated.
emptiness that weighs a ton.
stagnation.
then. ...inhale.... a moment of doubt, indecision, alarm....exhale... its gone. Relief.
Furrowed brows behind which the mind wonders when it will return..
whenever alone... you always have someone on your mind...... sinister voice on radio one.
scurrying irises.... in search.... of what ?!
yellow book - beacon of light.
escape.
you always have someone on your mind ............

"im sorry, but the person you are calling is not available." beep.

Heres to you.

Sparkly and round, with no end and no beginning, closed... tied... ended but incomplete just like her dreams. Pure, luminous, blinding white, bedazzling, all emcompassing waiting to be painted, daring you to come close to make the fatal mistake - the lightest touch. Hard, unbreakable, all enduring with a light thats heaven sent - just like her love.

bLue

"When The Stars Go Blue"
(Ryan Adams)

Dancin' where the stars go blue
Dancin' where the evening fell
Dancin' in your wooden shoes
In a wedding gown

Dancin' out on 7th street
Dancin' through the underground
Dancin' little marionette
Are you happy now?

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue

Laughing with your pretty mouth
Laughing with your broken eyes
Laughing with your lover's tongue
In a lullaby

Where do you go when you're lonely
Where do you go when you're blue
Where do you go when you're lonely
I'll follow you
When the stars go blue
The stars go blue, stars go blue

fuzzy towel- fresh out of the dryer

Such Great Heights

by The Postal Service

I am thinking it's a sign that the freckles
In our eyes are mirror images and when
We kiss they're perfectly aligned
And I have to speculate that God himself
Did make us into corresponding shapes like
Puzzle pieces from the clay
True, it may seem like a stretch, but
Its thoughts like this that catch my troubled
Head when you're away when I am missing you to death
When you are out there on the road for
Several weeks of shows and when you scan
The radio, I hope this song will guide you home

They will see us waving from such great
Heights, 'come down now,' they'll say
But everything looks perfect from far away,
'come down now,' but we'll stay...

I tried my best to leave this all on your
Machine but the persistent beat it sounded
Thin upon listening
That frankly will not fly. you will hear
The shrillest highs and lowest lows with
The windows down when this is guiding you home

note to self: just because you can rhyme does not mean you can write poetry.

shadows in the dark

Im so proud of you,
to start from nothing
to go on to glory
you took me with you
yeah thats our story

you left me behind
even when you didn't
i swept alongside
kept up with your stride
you left me behind
where everything died

i kept it alive
stood head to head
had you by my side
the sunshine stole all that was left unsaid
in its wake my darkness cried
i realised then to myself i had lied

im so proud of you
even today i see you by my side
your slender frame oh so narrow
your dark eyes leave everything denied
light up my heart, take in all my pride
i open my eyes, mistaking what is left - the hint of your shadow by my side